The Summit of Success

One day, when I was in the African village of Embu doing some work for my Charity Water for Africa, which builds wells and provides villages with clean water, I noticed a group of about 20 children playing soccer. Suddenly I got an idea; I reached into my backpack and pulled out a Frisbee. Immediately, a little boy named Duante came over to see what I was doing. I tossed it directly to him. This amused him, because of the way it floated on the air he thought it was from another planet or something. He tried to return it to me, but couldn’t quite throw it. He ended up rolling it along the ground. I tossed it to him again, and this time he threw it back. Although it didn’t make it all the way, it was much better than his first attempt. As we continued to toss the Frisbee back and forth, other children crowded around to watch. Suddenly, Gamba, the leader of the group, came up and asked Duante if he could play too. Gamba caught on to the game quickly, and soon the three of us were passing back and forth to each other. Within ten minutes, other children trickled into the game.

After watching the kids play the game for a few more days, I noticed that Gamba was getting bored. I decided to teach him some tricks. like the underdog and around the back. He practiced these for about two weeks, until he became almost as good as me; he could even do forward and underhanded passes. But after about a month of group Frisbee and more advanced tricks, he started to get bored again.

To help him learn and stay interested, I pulled out a second Frisbee, and taught him and the other children how to play Ultimate Frisbee. Once again, I saw the group’s enthusiasm for learning, and just like before, Gamba excelled at the game. Before long, his skills were far better then the rest of the children’s and he began showing them how to improve their techniques.

One day, Gamba had to travel to Lamu, a village that was about 20 miles away. Before he left, I gave him a Frisbee. This made him very happy, and when he got to the village, he taught the children how to play Frisbee, just like I had with him a couple of months before. Of course, the new group of kids were fascinated with the Frisbee. Much like the first group, they quickly caught on to the concept of passing back and forth. When Gamba felt that they had mastered it, he taught them tricks, and then Ultimate Frisbee.

When Gamba finally came back home, he brought a surprise with him – his Ultimate Frisbee team. Since he had trained the children from Lamu to play Ultimate Frisbee, he wanted to set up a tournament between the two villages. All of the children were thrilled, especially Duante, the first little boy I played Frisbee with. Although he was excited to have the opportunity to play in the tournament, he felt a bit nervous and worried that he would forget some of the moves he had learned. The next day, the two teams played in their first tournament and Gamba served as the referee. The team I trained won, but Gamba’s team played very well too.

Using the Ultimate Frisbee story, let’s take a look at how you can apply SHEEPP-C with your own clients. Remember, your goal is to take them from clients to trainers.

Show – just like I showed Duante how to play Frisbee, you will want to show your client what to do so they get the basic idea of the activity. This should take one or two minutes.

Hear – when Gamba first came over, he stood for a while and listened to Duante and I play before he joined in. When you are training someone, they will hear what you are saying and get a feel for what they are supposed to do. The hearing phase should take about three minutes.

Explore – when Gamba first threw the Frisbee, he was exploring. In the explore stage, your clients try out the activity you have just shown them. Depending on their skills, this should take about five minutes.

Explain- once Gamba and Duante had a chance to practice the basic act of passing the Frisbee back and forth, I took time to work with them to explain proper form and other ways to play the game. In this stage, you will give close, hands-on instruction to help your client with the proper technique for the exercises you’ve just had them do.

The Explore and Explain stages are interchangeable and depend on your client’s learning style. Some people like to jump right in, but others need detailed explanation first.

Practice- in the story, Gamba spent the majority of his time practicing. First, he practiced the basics, then the more advanced moves, and finally Ultimate Frisbee. At each stage, he spent longer amounts of time practicing. This is the stage where your client will spend the most amount of time. Practice will include performing the exercises until he or she gets them right and building on them by doing harder, more challenging exercises. You want to balance how long your client spends doing the same thing because, like Gamba, once they become good at it, they will quickly become bored.

Performance – Duante and the children who were in the tournament were given the opportunity to showcase their skills to see who was the  best. In this stage, your client will compete and apply everything they have learned. It’s not unusual for them to be nervous, have anxiety, or even forget a few things they learned during practice. However, people who are successful in competition and in life are those who learn from their experiences and improve.

Coach – remember how Gamba went to Lamu and formed an Ultimate Frisbee team? He was essentially their coach. In the final step, once your client has mastered their skills and competed a bit, you want them to teach/coach someone else. If they teach others, their success will have a trickle down effect and they will become even better themselves. Think back to SHEEPP-C climbing the mountain, not only do you want to get up, but you also want to pull someone else up. When you both reach the summit, the accomplishment is that much better.

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These are the goals I like to accomplish with workouts:
1) Always have fun
2) Make a friend
3) Learn something new
4) Get motivated for the next workout
5) Get an awesome workout!

If you can get these concepts across in your lesson, then you will be successful. Too often do I see trainers only achieving one of these five elements. Most times they only give an awesome workout. This is all too easy to do. For example, you could have your clients lift a ton of weights until they’re exhausted, or have them go on a two mile run.

Instead, I want to implement a program where the following happens:

The client comes up to the trainer for their 20th session. The trainer (you) asks how they’ve been since the past week, and how their daughter/dog is doing. Make small talk while warming up with two laps around the track. The client should be breathing heavily during the warm-up, but still able to hold a conversation.

Finish the warm-up in about five minutes and start stretching. Stretching should take about three minutes.

Commence the workout. Make sure to emphasize that if they give 100 percent, then the workout will be shorter. Do two rounds of whatever you’re doing… whether it be boxing, kettlebells, or whatnot. This is still a warm-up—don’t talk about technique too much. After the second round, take a two minute break.

During the break, ask your client how their nutrition has been. See if they have any questions about what to do with the diet. Give them a pointer for how they can improve round three. Remember, we always want to teach—not just train.

I want our trainers, you, to realize the benefit of working with MOVFitness. The most important aspect of working with us is to implement a “school” instead of a session.

If we are able to do this, we will be able to teach our clients so much more with less effort on our part.

Let me show you how.

Trainer style 1:

Sara, a star trainer, meets her first client at 6am. They go on a three mile run and the client starts wheezing halfway through. Sara tells her to push through it, but they slow down a little. Sara tells the client at the end of the session that they won’t run anymore and they’ll concentrate on other areas, ending with stretching. Her 7am client comes and they do some boxing on the beach. The client feels silly and doesn’t hit as hard as she could and keeps looking at everyone watching her box. Sara tries to cheer her up and tells the client about how fun her weekend was, and they talk about shopping for bikinis for the summer.

After that session she has a break until 8:30. Sara takes a break to eat an apple and peanut butter sandwich. Her 8:30 appointment shows up, and they climb four sets of stairs at the stadium. The client gets very discouraged when he sees skinny little girls passing him. (Not to mention his trainer is a skinny little girl.) Sara encourages the client to do some stairs on his own so he can keep up for next week.

Sara has a 9am and 10am. She decides to do boxing with both of them. She teaches the uppercut to both and then calls it a day. She calls her boyfriend and has lunch with him. She then goes out to the beach and surfs for about four hours. When her boyfriend gets off work, she goes home and hangs out with him.

Trainer Style 2:

It’s Monday morning and Billy is ready to start working out his clients. He meets his first client at 6am and they go on a run. While on the run, he brings to his client’s attention that she might have a slight case of asthma once Billy notices she is wheezing. He tells them that in the future, they are going to practice Buteyko, and then they finish their run even though the client is wheezing. Between sessions, he writes in his journal “Make sure to send Sally information on Buteyko tonight.”

Billy meets his 7am client. They go on the beach for some boxing, but the client seems uneasy. He stands beside her and does the workout too—at the same level of technique that the client is doing it. He reminds her at the end of the workout that Janey, his star client, used to be horrible at boxing. He says that with determination and practice, he wants to get her to that level, too. Before leaving, he reminds her that he wants her to learn about exchanges. He asks her if she knows where on the website she can find the information. He writes in his journal, “Send Sally an email about Maria’s testimonial. It will put her in perspective. Send her the exchange information again and emphasize how important it is she knows this.”

Billy then has a break at 8 and eats an apple and peanut butter sandwich.

He assists the 8:30 bootcamp class taught by Matt and works on his own sword fighting. At the end of class, Matt tells everyone to check out a new video he uploaded to the website that will help out their sword fighting technique. He also says Brandi posted up a new recipe last night that everyone should check out.

Billy has a 9:30 appointment and goes over the sword fighting with them. He goes over the same technique he just learned in the bootcamp so it stays fresh in his mind. He even steals some of Matt’s quotes as if they are his own. At the end of the session he says “We uploaded a new sword fighting video that I’d love to have you watch. I’ll send you the address to it so you can practice on your own. You seem to really understand the sword fighting, do you like it?”

The client says, “Yeah, it’s a lot of fun, but I feel like a dork. I don’t look as good as you.”
Billy says, “Well, you’re getting much better. I want you to watch the video and practice. Oh, Brandi posted up a new recipe on the site, too. I know how much you like to cook, so you should check that out as well. We also need to talk with Brandi about supplements. I want you to hear about the multivitamins we recommend. I’m proud of what you’ve accomplished—not many clients are so open-minded. You have learned about blood sugar and exchanges, you’ve taken up sword fighting and boxing, and now I want to get you on a solid multivitamin so we can do even more in the future. I’ll get with Brandi and figure out when a good time for her to meet with us would be. I’ll let you know what I find out when we meet on Friday or maybe this Wednesday if you’re coming to bootcamp in the morning—I’ll be teaching . You should definitely come. I’ll be going over a new boxing routine that is a lot of fun. If not, I’ll see you Friday. Have a good day!”

Billy has another 10:30 appointment. He repeats the same sword fighting workout and tells them the same quotes about the same video and recipe. He also tells them about the multivitamins with Brandi.

Billy goes home and has lunch. He hops on the computer and sends out an email to each client. This takes about an hour because he has to make sure all the links are to the right places. His notes help him make sure he sends the right info to each client.

He also emails Brandi and says he’d like her to meet with him to go over supplements with two of his clients. He also invites her to have a sword fighting session with him on what he learned from Matt that morning.
__________________________

So, do you see the difference in the two training styles? While Sara might be an awesome trainer, she’s just that—a trainer.

A good trainer spends an hour with a client, puts their all into it, and says, “Great job. See you next week.”

A good coach spends an hour with a client, puts their all into it, and says, “Great job. Here’s what I want you to do next…”

I much prefer Billy’s method of coaching. He refers to the other trainers as professionals. He takes time out of his day to follow up with his clients and also to attend a bootcamp so he can learn more technique.

Don’t be passionate about your client just for that one hour. Give them goals for when they aren’t with you, and put yourself in their head 24/7. It makes them feel like you care about them, and like they’re receiving a workout tailored specifically to them. It also improves their overall fitness much more than just that one hour a week does, and leads them to take responsibility for their own health.

Too many trainers get caught up in being the best. A good coach makes his clients look like the best. In the long run, that reflects a lot better on you, and will earn you more business.

What makes a great teacher?

Some may say the best teacher is the leader of the leaders. The one who does their job better than everyone else. Because if they can perform better than everyone else, then they should know how to teach the others too.

Others may say that the teacher who has all the top students is the best. They claim that if you have the top students, then you must be the best teacher. You know how to teach the best of the best, so you must be the best overall.

My opinion? I believe the teacher who can take the worst of the worst and bring them to the top is the best teacher. Not just one time, but multiple times. An example would be a person extremely overweight becoming a star athlete. Or taking a client who is considering gastric bypass and turning them into a nutrition consultant who has dropped 50lbs.

How is this accomplished?

My approach is a concept that allows me to teach everyone. Instead of concentrating on reaching out and learning more, I try to learn how to relate the most basic rules to each person individually. I make my approach sound as if it is ground-breaking when it applies to them.

If I went to my clients and said, “You need to eat a 40/40/20 6x a day, workout upper body one day, lower body two days, and abs one day a week, sleep six hours a night, and do this routine for six months. You are guaranteed success.”

Do you think I’d see success with this client? No. Trust me, I’ve tried.

Instead, I learn 100 different ways to say the exact same thing. The end result: we want our client to eat frequently and work out often. It’s not rocket science.

The beauty of being a great teacher comes in how many analogies, teaching methods, and techniques you can relay to your student to get the job accomplished.

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One of the most important concepts I can teach anybody is learning how to learn.  If you don’t have this down, then you might not even understand this chapter, so I’m sorry, but seeing that you don’t know how to learn is one of the biggest concepts that you could ever teach yourself.  Knowing how to learn, you should be able to take anything and apply it. 

I was playing the Nintendo Wii a few weeks ago and some of the controls just aren’t very good.  I was playing the free boxing game that came with it and the guy that was playing against me was complaining the whole time, saying, “Man, this control is horrible” and “You can’t do this” and “You can’t do that.”  I was consistently beating him in the game and I agreed with everything he said.  The controls are horrible and it doesn’t respond very well to actions that you would like it to, but it’s all about learning how to adapt to the tool that you’re given.

If you’re given a horrible tool and your enemy has the exact same horrible tool, you should still be able to beat him. This is because you learned how to learn.   You learned how to use that tool and do anything you can to use the tool to the best of its ability.  Not to the best of your ability, but to the best of its ability.  If it was to the best of your ability, you would change the tool and use something else.

On the Nintendo Wii, you have to face the controller towards the machine to get it to work. That’s not the same in real boxing.  Your hands are tilted at a position that you would never use if you were a real boxer, but the device is what the device is, and you have to adapt to it.

You also need to learn how to listen and when learning how to listen, first we need to tell ourselves, “No, I don’t know this subject” or if you already know it, you need to say, “I could even learn something else.”  You can learn from people that are less successful than you.  You could learn from people that have less motivation by turning your brain on and saying, “In this situation there is always something to learn.”  That is the first step you want to make to becoming a powerful leader and a great mind.

Based on that, there are three different types of learners and you need to not only be able to see these types of learners in other people, but also see these types in yourself.  However we learn, is usually the same way we teach and we don’t want that to be the case.  We want to be able to teach the same way that someone else learns, so if someone is a sensual learner, then we want to completely change our entire teaching style to a sensual model. 

This is why this book has different examples.  It has analogies, visual examples, and all of that to show you how to learn and to show someone that is a visual learner how to learn, to show someone that is kinesthetic how to learn, so that they can all read the same article and say, “Wow, that was tailored just to me” when in reality we just made sure that we taught it to the sensual, taught it to the mechanical, and taught it to the analytical all at the same time. 

Three Main Types of Learners

How do you use a map to get from Point A to Point B? Everyone has their own system, and it has to do with the way they learn.

 Say three people—Mary, Gary, and Larry—each have a map and a destination. Mary likes to have a list of exactly which streets she’s going to turn on. As she drives, she’s going to be looking at the street signs to navigate. If you asked her which way North was, she’d be clueless. And if she strays from the path she’s got planned out, she usually gets lost quite easily.

Gary, on the other hand, likes to write directly on the map, and trace the direction he’s going to take. He uses his pencil to “feel out” the left and right turns he’s going to be taking, and he just has to recall the movements his hand made to remember which direction he was supposed to go.

 Larry barely needs to look at the map—mostly what he needs to know is that his destination is in a northwest direction about twenty miles away. A few details are helpful, but he works mostly out of his head, and doesn’t need many visual clues like street signs or landmarks to know which way to drive (though his wife sometimes disagrees with him on that point!).

Mary, Gary, and Larry all use different methods to get around, and they do this without ever thinking about it. That’s because the way they use maps corresponds to the way they learn in general—the way they process information. Each of them represents a different type of learner, who needs a certain kind of input to best understand and retain information.

 The three main types of learners are Sensory, Mechanical, and Analytical.

Sensory Learners

Sensory learners learn (you guessed it) with their senses. This group includes visual and auditory learners, who use their eyes and ears to figure something out from external clues. Mary is a classic visual learner. Sensory learners such as Mary like to have things shown or demonstrated to them, so that they can mimic their teacher. If you were teaching a sensory learner how to throw a Frisbee, for example, you would want to demonstrate it to them first, so they could see what they were supposed to do. Sensory learners often get a lot from small auditory clues as well, such as the sound the Frisbee makes as it flies through the air and smacks into someone’s hand.

Sensory learners learn well from pictures or visualizations. When they are reading a text, they want to be able to “see” what the author is talking about, through some illustration of the information. It doesn’t have to be an actual picture, but there it should be easy for them to visualize what’s going on in the text.

Sensory learners tend to be pretty fast learners, thanks to their ability to mimic. However, this type of learning is also the most superficial. Often, something they’ve understood one day is difficult for them to completely recall the next. It may seem that they’re not trying very hard to remember, when in fact they just need to exercise all their learning muscles for what they’ve learned to finally sink in. 

 Mechanical Learners

 A mechanical, or kinesthetic, learner learns by doing. Gary is an example of one of these hands-on learners. They learn best when they get to do things themselves, and their teacher makes adjustments to their form as needed. In the case of teaching someone to throw a Frisbee, you would want to have a mechanical learner throw the Frisbee and then physically correct them—their stance or the way they hold the Frisbee. Sometimes they have trouble figuring out what to do if it is just explained to them, but if they are shown as well they’ll catch on quickly. Mechanical learners tend to be faster than analytical learners at catching on, and they gain a less superficial understanding than visual learners.

Do you remember using plastic blocks or similar aids to learn multiplication? If so, you’re probably a mechanical learner to some degree.

 Analytical Learners

 Analytical, or intellectual, learners like Larry are more “in their head.” They tend to learn well from having analogies presented to them along with explanations. To teach an analytical learner how to use a Frisbee, you would want to explain it to them by comparing it to other things and linking the two concepts together. You could compare the physics behind it to the wing of an airplane, or the flick of the wrist to tossing something in the trash.

 Often analytical learners can have trouble explaining how they learned something: they just “know.” That’s because they tend not to use as many visual or external clues. Analytical learners tend to learn things more slowly, but once they “get it”, they tend to know it better than a visual or even a mechanical learner.

 
“Teach Into Their Learning”

Most people are a combination of more than one main type of learner. Knowing how your client learns is critical to helping them succeed. You don’t want to teach how you best learn, or how you learned it. What worked for you will not necessarily work for them. So also be aware of how you learn, because you will probably be most inclined to teach that way.

 Men often tend to be more mechanical learners, while women tend to be more sensory learners. If Alice is a sensory learner trying to teach Ben, a mechanical learner, how to throw a good boxing punch, simply demonstrating it to him and expecting him to catch on would probably be difficult for him. He might keep asking her “what” he is supposed to do, but he really means is “how.” That is, she is showing him what to do, but he needs to know how he holds his elbows in and his fists up near his chin. The best way for Ben to grasp this, as a mechanical learner, is to be physically guided through the punch. If Alice keeps “showing” him through demonstration over and over again, neither of them is going to get very far very fast.

 Trying to push the “wrong” way on to a client will only frustrate you both. Being aware of your client’s learning type is just one important element of building a positive relationship.

 Remember: teach into their learning or speak into their listening.

 Using All Three

It is also important that when you teach someone, you hit all three of these learning types. Remember, your client’s learning type simply suggests which way they will naturally begin to learn. But the best way for anyone to learn something is to learn it in more than one way. By making them stretch themselves just a little more that way, it will stick with them much better and longer. Don’t just bombard them with too much information, especially the same kind of information.

For example, if you were teaching someone how to swim the breaststroke, you could teach them visually both in and out of the water. Then you could have them mimic you, and correct errors in their stroke physically. That way they could feel the difference in what they were doing before and what they are supposed to be doing. You could also tie in analogies while describing the stroke to them to give them an analytical approach as well. Sometimes instructors of children’s swim classes will describe the upward motion of the stroke as reaching into a giant vat of ice cream and scooping it up toward your mouth—something easy to relate to, especially at that age, and therefore pretty effective.

Addressing all three types of learning is also important when you are teaching someone in writing. For the sensory learners, you want to include images and examples that “illustrate” what you are saying. For the analytical learners, you want to include analogies to tie different ideas together for them. And for the mechanical learners, you want to give instructions, so that they can go out and learn by doing. The different types of learning are something you should be thinking about every time you teach somebody something new.

Getting Paid to Play

Now if you have understood the concept of learning how to learn, we want to apply the concept of getting paid to play.  Let’s look back over at my life, and I could give you a few examples of how I’ve done this.  I was a lifeguard at a city pool for a few years and it was a pretty fun job when you’re 16 years old.  You get to go out there and chill in the sun and watch the people swim – not too hard of a job.

But once I turned 18, I thought, “I want to do something more fun and do some traveling” so I looked into some lifeguard positions in other cities and they would actually pay to relocate me there so I went in and lived on an island up in the Great Lakes and it was a blast.  They paid me to be a lifeguard.  I worked about 10 hours a day and I had a really great time.  I eventually became a manager there.

But before my summer, I didn’t tell myself, “You know, I want to go somewhere and let me see how much the tickets are.  Let me see how much it costs to go on a small vacation.”  That’s not the mindset I’m trying to teach.  What you want to understand is you get paid to play.  Everybody wants to play. Everybody wants to have fun, but you shouldn’t do it at your own expense.  Do it at somebody else’s expense. 

If you’re an accountant, then work with the industry that you’re going into as an accountant and you can go and watch all the theater shows you want, see all the plays, see all the productions, but at the same time, be their accountant so you’re actually getting paid.  Don’t be an accountant at a law firm but then go and spend all the money that you saved at the theater.  The theater might pay less than the law firm but if your true passion is in the theater, then go there, especially when you’re not really at a career level yet.  This isn’t designed for somebody that already has a $100,000 or higher job.  This is designed for somebody that doesn’t have a career yet and are at a position in life, probably 18 to 30 years old, saying, “You know what?  I want to go out there and have some fun and see the world before I settle down and decide what my career is.”

So another way I got paid to play was by taking the lifeguarding to another level.  I went and lived on an island in the Bahamas.  They paid my plane ticket to get there, they gave me room and board when I got there, I lived there for quite a while, everything was free, and I got paid for it. 

A lot of people say, “Oh wow, I’d love to go and have a cruise vacation in the Bahamas” and I can say, “I’ve been on many cruises.”  People will ask how and how much I paid.  I can say, “I’ve probably been on about 40 cruises and I wasn’t staff on the ship.  I was living on an island that was owned by a cruise company and this is the concept of getting paid to play.” 

I thought about going over and living in Rome and I was thinking, “What do I want to do when I get there?  I want to see all the architecture, I want to understand a little bit more about the history, and I want to do some sightseeing.” 

So based on that, my mind doesn’t go to, “Okay, what kind of job can I get in fitness to go over there?” and this is in my younger years.  My mind goes to, “Okay, if I want to see the history, if I want to see all the architecture, and I want to do sightseeing, then how about I be a tour guide?  I know I can get a job there because I didn’t take the time to go to school and then after school to sit down and watch TV all afternoon.  I actually had a productive career as a high school student so once I was ready to get paid to play, I had a nice resume.  I had thousands of volunteer hours and projects that I had managed. I had already had jobs.  All of that stuff adds up, so if you haven’t done that yet, you need to take a step back and do that before you’re ready to do this get paid to play stuff.

You might be 35 years old and you might have been just sitting around watching TV all day.  You just got one degree at college and this doesn’t really apply to you .  This is for people that want to be extremely successful and have taken that step and initiative to change their circle of influence already, they’re surrounded by good people, they’re surrounded by influences that increase their skill sets, and those are the people that can be paid to play. 

If I wanted to go to Greece or wherever, I could just be a tour guide over there.  They’d pay my room and board, they’d pay my ticket over, give me a 6 month or 1 year contract, and the pay wouldn’t be great, but I wasn’t looking for that.  I was looking for the experience.  Then afterwards you can live those moments and say that you’ve experienced the world, and that’s something that life can’t give you – you have to make those opportunities.  So many people hear about my life and say, “Wow, you’re so luck! I wish I could do that.”  And I don’t sympathize because they waste too much time watching TV and not increasing their circle of influence to build the skills necessary for such a great adventure in life. 

You have to find it yourself and take advantage of those offers when you see them because society is going to tell you, “If you want to go to Greece than you’re going to have to pay for a plane ticket there.  You can stay for a week or two and it will be in an expensive hotel and you aren’t going to see as many of the tourist attractions as you’d like because you can’t afford it and you’ll have to come back in ten years to see the rest of that.”

So with this concept, you can do anything.  You can go to Asia, teach English as a second language, see all of Asia.  Again, they’ll pay for everything.  If you’re a fitness trainer, I know a lot of islands that would love to have a trainer come on their island and there’s many different jobs you can do.  Trust me, I’ve done it.  You can be a ballroom dancer in a resort in Fiji.  It’s endless.   You just need to take that step forward and increase your circle of influence after you do that, and you’ve been doing it for at least a year, then you’ll have some cool skills that you can teach others, and you can get paid to play.

Play Dough Minds

So in addition to learning how to learn, we also need to understand that the mind is like Play Dough.  I’ve met many people and I just met a ballroom dancer the other night and it really made me disappointed.  I said, “Hey, we should collaborate” because he’s a really good dancer in one style and I’m a really good dancer in another style.  He doesn’t know that I’ve only been dancing for 3 or 4 years and he’s been a dancer his whole life.  In my opinion we’re on the same level.  He can dance just as well as I can.  You can’t really tell that.  I’ve only been dancing a few years, though my dancing is equal to his since my skillset in other areas is so advanced.  I’ve been in fitness so long that it made my dancing really strong when I came into it.

He told me that he didn’t really like my idea of how to handle business.  I said, “Oh really?  I was thinking that we could work together and bring our students together and maybe we could teach a class to bring in some new teachers.”

He said, “I just don’t think you should be a teacher if you’ve only been dancing a few years.  I think it takes a lifetime to learn what I know how to do and I just don’t respect a teacher who’s only been doing it a few years.” 

He was talking about the students that we’d be teaching.  He wasn’t talking about me.  I kind of chuckled inside because he doesn’t see that I’ve only been dancing a few years but I know that I could teach myself anything and with dedication, anybody could teach themselves anything and it’s hard to be a teacher and say that somebody can’t learn something, because then why be a teacher?

With this concept, I want to show that the mind is like Play Dough.  If you’re a ballroom dancer and you’re a teacher, and somebody comes into your studio and they want to learn how to dance, but they haven’t learned anything in about 5 years, first you’re going to have to teach them how to learn. At first you’re going to have to show them, “Look, when you’re standing behind me, you’re always looking at my feet.  That means that you’re a visual learner.  You’re not up here trying to analyze it in your head, you were looking at my feet.  You need to teach your students to step out of that visual learning and have them learn visually, mechanically, through all of their senses and analytically, otherwise, they’re never going to really be able to learn as deep on a level as you would like them to. 

Note that I’m giving you an analogy right now.   This is great for the analytical learners. 
This is what I call a Play Dough mind because if you have a piece of Play Dough that comes to you and nobody’s used it for 5 years and somebody says, “Make a beautiful swan out of the Play Dough” – first you’re going to just have to make the Play Dough malleable and that’s going to take quite a while, if it’s even possible.  If Play Dough hasn’t been used for 5 years, it might be beyond salvaging. 

First you’re going to knead it in your hands and it may take a good 20 minutes of just kneading.  Then after you’ve got it kneaded out, and it’s nice and warm, then you can work on your swan.  The problem is that people look at the teacher and think, “Wow, that’s not a very good teacher” and I look at it like, “That student doesn’t have their mind in a receptive or moldable setting because they haven’t been learning in other areas.”  The most exciting student that I can find is somebody that comes to me and says, “I’m a painter, I went to college to be a philosopher, I’ve already done a lot in running, but I thought I might try ballroom dancing to get another skill.”

That tells me that this person, throughout his entire life, has kept his mind moldable and he has some nice, easy Play Dough to mold around, so when I get out on the dance floor with him, I don’t have to really teach them how to learn, I can get right into the dancing.  Boom, they learn it.  They don’t get as frustrated as other people because they understand it’s going to take 1000 hours to learn this. 

I worked with a woman from India just a month ago and as I was teaching her the concept, I said to her, “You’re different than a lot of my students.  Usually when I teach my students and it’s a hard move, they complain and say ‘This is so hard, I’ll never be able to do that.’  What’s your secret?  How can you do this move and be confident that you’re going to get it?  I can see that you understand, you don’t have it, and you understand that it’s going to take a long time.  What do you do that’s different?”

She said, “In my culture we have a concept that to be a master at anything, you need 10,000 hours.” 

I like that.  I tell people, “Don’t even judge yourself on something until you’ve done it for 500 hours.  If you’ve done something for 500 hours then you just now have a basic foundation of it.  After you have 1000 hours, you should be able to teach others pretty easily just the basics.  Once you have 10,000 hours, yes, you should definitely be a master of that.”

So what she was doing on the lesson was not worrying too much about getting it right or wrong. She was just counting, “Okay, this is another hour in this skill and I’m getting one step closer to that 10,000.”  Of course that does take a deep level of discipline and patience to understand that. 

So closing this chapter, we need to learn how to learn.  We need to see that first we need to learn how to listen and see how your teacher is teaching you, and when your teacher is an analytical learner, sorry, but you have to turn on your analytical mind and start listening to them.

If that teacher is only a visual learner, then sorry, but you need to just open your eyes and watch and absorb as much as you can there, because they aren’t going to give you mechanical examples.  They aren’t going to give you analogies either.  You’re just going to have that visual because most teachers don’t understand this concept.  So first learn how to listen and that will allow you to learn a lot.

Then you want to get paid to play.  After you have a good skill set, go out and get paid to play because if you spend your childhood and your adult youth going out and working at McDonald’s for the summer, then you didn’t really expand on your skill set but what I did, I was a lifeguard, I wanted to live on a cool island, so I was a lifeguard on a cool island.  That was expanding my skill set and feeding my soul, all at the same time.

Then lastly, we want to understand that our mind has to always be like Play Dough.  You need to ask yourself, “What did I learn this week?” and if you didn’t learn anything, then you’re Play Dough is getting a little bit harder to mold and you’re making it harder for that next teacher to come in and teach you something.  So switch it back over and just pick up anything and start learning it.  Turn your brain on to create some new neural paths.

Let’s pick up our play dough, and begin.

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The Smile Sandwich is a positive way to give constructive criticism. Think about any smile you’ve ever seen. The happiest ones turn up at the ends, creating a “U” shape, right? That’s the “structure” of a smile sandwich. You start with something “up” (some positive observation about the person), then give them your piece of criticism (the low point of the smile), and finish with something else—another “up”, or positive statement. That way you “sandwich” your criticism between two positive statements. This takes the sting away and gives the criticism a more positive spin.

The positive statements don’t necessarily have to be related, though it might be easier to construct that way. You don’t want to spend too much time on any one part of the sandwich. Spending too much time on the first positive statement makes them feel like you’re buttering them up for something bad—a J-shaped smile. But getting into the criticism too fast creates a backwards-J smile, and all they can remember is that negative part. You want to present your criticism in a positive way as well. Present it as something they can improve, not something they’re doing wrong—in other words, “progressive criticism”. Give them something to do with it.

The point is to turn a negative statement into an overall positive one. Read on for a more in-depth article about Sandwich Smiles!

Sandwich Smiles

By Crystal

Kim goes to her gym regularly, but has never received any formal training. She worries a little about how she looks when she is working out, especially when she is on the elliptical machine or lifting free weights. One day it is brought to her attention not only how she looks but how she is performing, when a trainer for the weight-lifting area at her local gym approaches Kim with some harsh criticism. “You’re doing it all wrong,” “sloppy,” and “you’re never going to lose weight that way” are repeated over and over as the trainer tries to teach her the proper way to perform leg presses, curls, and other machine-related techniques.

Kim thought she had been performing very well, following the instructions posted with each machine, and even noticing a slight change in how her clothes fit. But the trainer has made Kim feel horrible about her progress and even more self-conscious about working out. Suddenly, after weeks of developing a solid routine, attending the gym after work, Kim finds herself creating excuses to walk in the evening or work late rather than return to the gym. If only the trainer had used “nice” words, or been more accepting with his body language, Kim wouldn’t feel the need to avoid the gym and could continue with her routine.

If the trainer had approached her in a friendlier manner, or even just introduced himself before launching into his critique, Kim feels they might have been able to have a real conversation, instead of the “ohs” and “uh-huhs” that came out of Kim’s mouth.  Then his criticism might have seemed more helpful than offensive and could have actually motivated Kim to do better.

Many may consider negative words and harsh actions to be an effective form of criticism–after all, it gets the point across–but after the unhappy moment passes, what is the recipient left with? With no motivation to better themselves, clients are left with resentment and ultimately any positive relationship that may have been formed has been damaged. Advice, criticism, and suggestions can often make the critic feel good, but leaves the critiqued feeling like they’ve missed something or have been verbally attacked. Getting to know your clients, knowing their learning style, and knowing how to communicate with them can make a world of difference in how the criticism or suggestion comes across to them.

In the following example, Joe works as a trainer at the local gym, and it is time for yearly reviews. He is one of the first to be reviewed by his boss.

Example: Joe, a new initiative for the trainers this year is to push our new cardio program. Your recent reviews show that you have horrible success pushing our initiatives, and it has affected your bonus this year. You need to be better at the motivational aspect of your job and get to know the customers.

Joe’s boss offers only negative criticism, which results in Joe’s misunderstanding of his new job task. Joe returns to his job, angry at his low bonus, and resentful that it has been implied he doesn’t know his customers. The rest of the day he rudely asks his customers personal questions in an attempt to fix the “get to know the customers” aspect of his review. The end result–Joe is fired at the end of the day for inappropriate behavior. This is a clear example of miscommunication from the boss by not taking the time to get to know his employee and only offering the negative side of Joe’s review. Had the boss been a little more clear and positive with his review, Joe may have been able to improve on his motivational skills in a proper manner and keep his job.

In the following “U” shaped example, Joe’s boss is clear and direct with his criticism, allowing Joe to fully understand and implement the appropriate changes.

Example: Joe, a new initiative for the trainers this year is to push our new cardio program to customers. You have a great relationship with the customers as is shown by our customer surveys; however your recent reviews show that motivation has been your only low point. I’ve seen you take the time to work with our new employees in addition to maintaining your current trainer duties. Take that customer knowledge and discuss with your customers the new cardio program as far as how it may help them, or if they’d considered changing their current work-out.

Think back to Kim’s experience. Words are as powerful as actions, this creates consequences for the trainer and client when those words are thoughtlessly used; the solution is to use a progressive, or constructive criticism. Rather than becoming deconstructive, tearing down the client, the trainer should look towards building a safe zone for the relationship and opening a method of discourse for criticism to be safely passed without repercussion. This may mean taking the time to add a few words to the criticism, but well worth the effort if it means having a working relationship and solving the problem.

For example, picture yourself at your local gym watching a young girl, Sally, trying to figure out how a set of machines work and how to adjust the levers of the seats. Do you approach her and offer to help? Do you correct her method of following the pictures, or the order she should use the set of machines? How do you set up the correct tone of interaction without offending the young woman’s attempts?

As the trainer it is your responsibility to set-up the situation in a positive tone; this can be done several ways. One of the quickest ways is to say hello, make introductions, and above all smile.

Example: Hi, my name is Jack and I am a trainer here at the gym. Could I help you out?

This gives the other person, Sally, the time to say “no thanks” to your criticism and also opens dialogue in a positive manner. Another approach would be to immediately help Sally to adjust the machine she is currently trying to figure out. As you are adjusting the machine, make introductions and begin explaining the machine, using only the facts. This way you are informing and not judging.

Example: Hi, my name is Jack and I’m a trainer here at the gym. Here, this is how you set the seat [shows how to move the seat] and this is how you set the weights [shows how to set the weights]. Now try it yourself [watch Sally to make sure she performs the tasks correctly]. I know the pictures can be tricky, but any time you need help I’ll be right over there [point to where you’ll be]”

By stepping away from Sally, Jack has allowed Sally the opportunity to teach herself or to come to him for help. Regardless of the form of criticism used, whether working with a visual learner or an analytical learner, trainers need to keep in mind that criticism is to examine the human nature and no one likes to be examined. Since Jack did not know what kind of learner Sally was, he allowed himself time to observe and learn how he can better help her; by doing this Jack is not only educating himself, but also allowing himself to be a better trainer since he will know his client.

After introductions or the initial meeting has begun, trainers should leave it up to the client whether or not to proceed forward with the criticism. Just like you don’t want to start with negative words, you don’t want to jump right in and begin telling someone everything they have done wrong. If you are a trainer who has been working with a client for a long time, you should be able to read the body language or other signs of the client to know whether it is a good time to proceed forward or to hold off on offering criticism. Again, maintaining the relationship in a positive manner is important; otherwise, the criticism may fall onto deaf ears. Remember language and politeness go hand-in-hand when opening critical dialogue–whether it is amongst co-workers, upper management, fellow gym members or even family.

Let’s return to Sally and Jack; since Jack is not Sally’s trainer, he takes the time to observe and learn that she is not a visual learner. Jack observes that Sally has a hard time figuring out the other machines based solely on the photographs available. He decides that it would be better to show Sally how each of the machines work, rather than risk her injuring herself. Jack takes her around to each machine and teaches her how to adjust the seats, change the weight settings, and how to properly sit in the machine while exercising. Again, how Jack approaches Sally is important since she may not want Jack’s help.

Example: Hi Sally, You’ve picked some great machines to begin your workout on, but I’ve noticed you having some difficulty with the levers on the machines and was wondering if you would let me take the time show you how each of the machines work? You are doing very well.

Again, Jack lets Sally decide how to move the dialogue forward, since if a client isn’t willing to take criticism or help, then the relationship may slip into a negative manner. By allowing Sally to choose, Jack has allowed her to control what he teaches and what she learns.

In many situations it is not a matter of what to teach or what the client may need to learn, but a matter of keeping the situation positive and not giving into negative feelings such as anger and disappointment. One way to ensure that criticism is always positive and constructive is to keep a list of positive advice that you can always offer with the negative; don’t offer one without the other. The Smile Sandwich effect is easy to institute using this idea, and when properly offered can create a positive relationship between the trainer and the client.

Example: Tina is trying to teach a student trainer, Greg, who is still learning the proper techniques to perform a sit-up and not a crunch. She has tried to explain the method (analytical) “you’re doing great, but it’s like bending over and instead you are lying down, you’re smart, you’ve got the idea” and has demonstrated the method by laying flat on the ground and showing what angle the position should be in (visual). Greg attempts to train Tina as he would his future clients, but he still instructs Tina to perform the sit-up wrong.

She repeats her efforts over and over again, “You are really picking this up fast, but lie down and try to sit up. No, don’t use your hands, and you’ve got the idea, you’re a quick learner.” As a new trainer, Greg is having a hard time catching on and is beginning to resent Tina’s criticism until finally he tries the sit-up himself, this time following Tina’s directions. Tina physically stops his body at the correct angle (mechanical) allowing Greg to feel and see what Tina had explained.

In the following example Louis is a personal trainer with several single in-home clients and several in-home group clients. One of his managers approaches him one day and tells him they need to have a private discussion.

Example: The manager tells him, “Louis, you are really great with words and at communicating what your clients are supposed to do; clients find it really easy to follow your imaginative instructions. But your actions need to be worked on as many of your clients have reported feeling uncomfortable with your training methods and gestures. We love the training routines you create and feel the exercise is more than adequate for the clients. Take the great imagination to incorporate some new examples into your routine.”

Louis receives the criticism of his training methods and is given the positive reinforcement that tells him how to improve. There are no false statements–the manager and the trainer still maintain a balanced working relationship, and Louis can understand the advice and apply it to all areas of his job. The positive statements don’t necessarily have to be related, but it often makes sense to construct the criticism in a way that won’t confuse the audience.

Example: Louis’ manager could have told him “Louis I heard you had a great golf game this weekend. Listen, your actions need to be worked on as many of your clients feel uncomfortable with your training methods and gestures. We love the training routines you create and feel the exercise is more than adequate for the clients you represent. Take the great imagination to incorporate some new examples into your routine.”

It might be easier to construct the criticism by relating your statements, as you don’t want to spend too much time on any one part of the sandwich. Spending too much time on the first positive statement makes them feel like you’re buttering them up for something bad—a J-shaped smile. Ultimately one of two things will happen with J-shaped smiles, either the good or the bad is forgotten and the problem that needs to be solved is left unresolved. When only the negative parts of the criticism are remembered negative feelings are created resulting in no motivation to fix the problem. When only the positive parts of the criticism are remembered the problem is overlooked or easily brushed off. Below are some examples of a J-shaped smile.

Example: Laura, you are really a great team player, willing to put in extra hours and even volunteering to work with the children here at the gym. It was great to see you working with the student swim team that was in here last week on how they could improve their cardio workouts. It’s been noticed though that you often downplay, or make negative comments about the other trainers when they are not around and this is a serious issue. You often work well with the other trainers and seem to get along with the rest of the staff.

Example: Jim, your clients really like you, understand your training methods very well, and the music lists or extra time you take in personalizing each lesson makes each client feel special. Complaints have been made about your anger issues that clients have experienced when lessons are cancelled unexpectedly and this is a problem. You’ve got a great work ethic.

Remember, not knowing the person you are offering criticism to often leads to lopsided criticism or false statements. Getting into the criticism too fast creates a backwards-J smile, and all they can remember is that negative part, the positive statements are easily forgotten. Below are some examples of backwards J-smiles:

Example: Charles, previous work has been good, but the work-out created for our new client is shoddy and unbalanced, the worst presented so far. The hours you’ve put in and your dedication is amazing though.

Example: Amy, you’re a great trainer, but the inappropriate clothing, multiple tattoos and the jewelry on the hands have caused some serious problems with the clients in addition to safety issues. You’re very smart and good at what you do, communicating very well with our clients.

Whether reading or listening, most audiences only remember the beginning and ending parts of communication, so make sure you present your criticism in a positive way. Present it as something they can improve, not something they’re doing wrong—in other words, give them something to do with it. Once you have motivated the individual to fix the problem, they are not focused on the negative words or actions, but upon improving themselves or solving the problem, the true reason for criticism, and upon fixing the problem and not to making the problem larger.

Ryan, a trainer for a local college gym, must train another instructor for the summer session. After reviewing the instructor’s presentation, Ryan sits down to offer the new instructor some advice.

Example: You gave an excellent presentation on the topic and will be able to speak to your students very well. However, sometimes you get really excited and speak too fast, which makes you unintelligible to your students. You know the topics very well and will be able to answer questions; I think you will be a great instructor.

Ryan is able to point out the positive aspects of the new instructor’s teaching methods without completely tearing down the work ethic and self-esteem of the instructor. His criticisms, “speak too fast” and “unintelligible to students”, are buffered by the positive comments of “speak to your students well” and “know the topics well.” This allows the new instructor to remember Ryan’s words as he is teaching and perhaps correct his mistakes, but not in a debilitating manner.

Lisa, an upper level trainer for a global online training site is critiquing her co-worker’s new training method before she submits it to upper management.

Example: The colors are fabulous and really offset the text to bring out the message. The background could be clearer as it seems to distort the picture, confusing the audience as to which pose is being trained. The layout is perfect though for the website and will draw a lot of consumer attention.

The point is to turn a negative statement into an overall positive one, albeit a truthful one as well. You don’t want to give false statements and inadvertently allow the client to be able to brush off the negative. For instance, if Lisa’s words about color and text are false, she isn’t helping, but instead she is hindering her co-worker by not allowing her to fix what could become a larger problem. At the same time, she needs to keep a balanced criticism, so let’s assume that there is a problem with the text and colors in addition to the background –  Lisa needs to offer a different positive criticism.

Example: The layout is perfect for the website and will draw a lot of consumer attention. But the colors and text are really hard to make out, they tend to blend together adding to the unclear background which distort the picture of the pose. The topic matches the audience though, and the text, once clear, will be an eye catching part of the display, allowing our audience to follow the training guide.

Now that we have some understanding of the Sandwich smile, let’s try some exercises to incorporate the technique. Make the criticism useful and humane, and remember, a half-smile doesn’t make people happy. Using the good formula below, try to construct some positive criticism you might use for the following situations. If your example fits the bad formula, try to reconstruct your words to become positive (good formula), and if you get stuck, feel free to peek at some of the examples we have provided for each scenario.

Good Formula: Positive + Negative + Positive = Balanced

Bad Formulas: Positive + Positive + Negative = Unbalanced

Negative + Negative + Positive = Unbalanced

Situation One:

As a manager of a personal training business, it is time for yearly reviews. You have one employee, Tom, who you are considering whether or not to fire based on recent customer remarks. You have decided to withhold your decision until after the review to see if Tom’s behavior improves. You’d like to bring up the negative remarks of Tom’s unethical behavior (he has been accused of making inappropriate jokes to several of his clients).

Situation Two:

You have decided to hold a workout session two times a week in your home for you and your fellow co-workers. You are auditioning trainers for the position, which entails the trainer holding one workout session with the group. You are remarking on one personal trainer who you feel had an extremely bad audition. Try to give them the negative criticism (did not communicate well with your co-workers during the session) without the trainer becoming upset.

Situation Three:

You are a personal trainer who has decided to let go one of your clients due to the implications that they may want a personal relationship. You do not want to hurt your client’s feelings, and would like to recommend another trainer for the position so that your company does not lose a client.

Below are some examples that would fit the above scenarios based on what type of learner each of the critiqued may be.

Situation One:

Visual: Tom, you’ve had a great year in terms of numbers, pulling your number of clients from three to five and extending most of your scheduled visits to three times a week. There have been some remarks on inappropriate jokes that have occurred with several of your clients and here are some examples of the jokes the clients have referred to [hands Tom a slip of paper with the jokes]. Overall, you’ve pulled in some great business for the company and you continue to be a great asset to your customers.

Mechanical: Tom, you’ve had a great year in terms of numbers, and customers really relate to you; this shows in your increase of customers over the past year from three to five. There have been some remarks on inappropriate jokes that have occurred with several of your clients in relation to weight or gender. Joking with the customers is a great way to communicate, but you should stick to topics more in the entertainment or non-personal areas. We’d like for you to take a workshop with several of the other trainers to correct these miscommunication issues. Overall, you’ve pulled in some great business for the company and continue to be a great asset to your customers.

Analytical: Tom, you’ve had a great year in terms of numbers, customers really relate to you; this shows in your increase of customers over the past year from three to five. There have been some remarks on inappropriate jokes that have occurred with several of your clients. Joking with the customers is great way to communicate, but just like children get mad when their parents call them the wrong name, your customers may not like jokes that reference their weight or gender. You should stick to topics more in the entertainment or non-personal areas. We’d like for you to take a workshop with several of the other trainers to correct these miscommunication issues. Overall, you’ve pulled in some great business for the company and continue to be a great asset to your customers.

Situation Two:

Visual: [picks up and sets down cell phone] Paul, we really like your enthusiasm and routine that you created for the group. However, we felt that your communication with the group would have been better without the constant cell phone interruptions. [Picks up cell phone and mimics Paul’s action of opening and closing the phone]. The pace was well-kept and you knew what exercises you were training on, even being able to demonstrate them perfectly.

Mechanical: Paul, we really like your enthusiasm and routine that you created for the group. However, we felt that your communication with the group would have been better without the constant cell phone interruptions [Demonstrates turning off the cell phone while holding eye-contact with Paul]. The pace was well-kept and you knew what exercises you were training on, even being able to demonstrate them perfectly.

Analytical: Paul, we really like your enthusiasm and routine that you created for the group. However, we felt that your communication with the group would have been better without the constant cell phone interruptions– it was the equivalent of trying to exercise and eat at the same time, and your attention wasn’t fully here. The pace was well-kept and you knew what exercises you were training on, even being able to demonstrate them perfectly.

Situation Three:

Visual: Linda you are a great customer; you pay on time, show up early and never miss a session with me. However, personal touching and the lack of spatial relationship have caused some tension during our sessions. You also have great communication skills and fast pace tempo workouts, so I’d like to suggest one of our salsa instructors who can create personal dance-related routines such as the mamba, salsa, and cha-cha [performs a small dance routine as he mentions each of the dance] to train you for awhile.

Mechanical: Linda you are a great customer; you pay on time, show up early and never miss a session with me. However, personal touching and the lack of spatial relationship have caused some tension during our sessions. You also have great communication skills and fast pace tempo workouts so I’d like to suggest one of our salsa instructors who can create personal dance-related routines such as the mamba, salsa, and cha-cha [performs a small dance routine as he mentions each of the dance and has Linda mimic his actions] to train you for awhile.

Analytical: Linda you are a great customer; you pay on time, show up early and never miss a session with me. However, personal touching such as the hugs and the lack of spatial relationship has caused some tension during our sessions, just like co-workers experience tension when someone says something offensive. You also have great communication skills and fast pace tempo workouts so I’d like to suggest one of our salsa instructors who can create personal dance-related routines such as the mamba, salsa, and cha-cha to train you for awhile.

Although your examples may have been very different, there are no right and wrong answers when it comes to criticism, only how it is received. Always remember that the goal is to help the person improve and better themselves. When in doubt, look at it from a personal perspective; if someone you knew was going to give you negative information, how would you want to receive it? Keep in mind that you need to relate to your client to get them to understand what you mean and what to do with the information.

Ultimately, stay positive and remember good and bad go hand-in-hand; when giving criticism remember to include the praise in a balanced fashion. It will take practice to be able to give constructive criticism, and no matter how often you think you’ll get it right, sometimes no one is ever happy with being examined. But, just as a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, a smile always helps the criticism sink in.

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